Mother Nature's Monthly Gift

Remember when you were 13 years old and you dreaded having your period during the school week? It was the most embarrassing natural occurrence EVER. To make it less embarrassing you brought your purse to school to hide all the feminine products. Now, this was definitely a clever idea. No one would ever know when you had your period. I mean, you only brought your purse to school one week out of every month. Whose clever idea was that?

Some women, like myself, feel like they have a meeting with the devil one week out of every month, or every other month. You watch the biggest loser and the fat person who gets eliminated makes you cry. How could you send a fat person home to only allow them to go and eat more hamburgers? You get mad at the traffic light for turning red because, clearly, it has a mind of its own. Sometimes I even growl at my computer when it takes too long to load. Every human you come in contact with annoys you, even when they breathe. Zits start popping up in weird places-you have hot flashes- you want to sleep constantly. Uh-oh, for some women, who actually know what being "active" means, (thats not me) this could be easily mistaken for signs of early pregnancy. Then you start to freak out like O-M-G I haven't had sex in a year, but I think I am pregnant. Your friends tell you thats impossible. Your friend starts to make up baby names for you-funny. Then you make your friend buy you pregnancy tests at the store because you don't care if its embarrassing for her because you don't want to be embarrassed. Then you realize you are really childish and if you cannot buy your own tests then you should not be doing things that can make a BABY! END OF RAMBLE

Now I throw tampons in my purse like its lip gloss. No biggie. Oh, let me just get out a pen..WHOOPS that's a tampon! It's funny that such an awful experience is called a gift. However, some women may actually get excited when this gift comes. Some women even pray for their monthly gift. PLEASE GOD, I want to keep drinking martinis-I don't want to buy diapers! So, in some cases getting your period is almost like a holiday. Now, nothing like this has ever happened to me because I'm saving myself. No, I am not saving myself for the right guy or for marriage...I am SAVING myself FROM men.

Moral of the story- Every day a gift is given, one less OOPS baby is made.