So- instead of occupying wall street, ATLiens have been occupying downtown. People hold signs that say " it's a recession, who's makin money? Wall street!" Well guess what folks, if you weren't protesting maybe you could be at work making money. I went to college. I work at a restaurant. I work everyday. But guess what, it's all relative. I say it's all relative because if you just so happened to be in that 1%, and you found a way to make all that money and it was YOUR money, would you want to give it away? When you see a homeless man on the street begging for money, do you feel obligated to give him your hard earned cash? NO. You made your money, you worked hard for that money. You don't know what he/she will do with THAT money. I believe in standing up for your rights. I do believe that there are some things that can be changed. However, if you look back in history, protests never changed a darn thing. During the civil rights movement, protests lead to riots, violence and death. In the 1960s, protests against the Vietnam war did not end the war or deter war in later years.
I suppose it's all a bunch of nonsense to me. You are protesting against financial greed, however, aren't you displaying greed by wanting to take away the 1% money? What's the real issue here? That we all wish we had some money and a job? Or the rich who pay for your handouts or for you to be on welfare?
Put down your markers and poster board. Sell yourself, start a business....do something.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Food
Lets start off with a little history lesson. Before preservatives, sweetners, spices, food coloring and all that other jazz there was this thing called eating to survive. Knights, cow boys, Indians, davey crocket-They all had to hunt for their food. They didn't have any A1 sauce for their deer, or barbeque for their squirrell. They didn't eat because it tasted good. They ate because they needed to in order to survive. Food was a necessity. Then the damn Indians and Pilgrims became besties. They started creating shit like bread pudding. That's when food started to become tasty. In the medeival times, being fat meant you were rich, so eating became a hobby. The fatter you were, the more money you had. Too bad that's not the case anymore.
The point I am trying to make is if fat was pretty, the world would be obese. Eating is no longer just a necessity. People eat when they are sad, they eat when they are bored, some think eating is a hobby, they eat when they are happy. As I sit here eating an entire bag of EXTRA cheddar gold fish, I think to myself. Why is eating satisifying? It tastes good for about 10 minutes then stays on your body in places like your ass and your thighs for far too long. Who the hell invented this stuff anyway?
The point I am trying to make is if fat was pretty, the world would be obese. Eating is no longer just a necessity. People eat when they are sad, they eat when they are bored, some think eating is a hobby, they eat when they are happy. As I sit here eating an entire bag of EXTRA cheddar gold fish, I think to myself. Why is eating satisifying? It tastes good for about 10 minutes then stays on your body in places like your ass and your thighs for far too long. Who the hell invented this stuff anyway?
Friday, September 2, 2011
P.huck M.y S.ycle
P. huck M. y S. ycle
Also known as (THE ONE AND ONLY) pre-menstrual cycle, PMS is a bitch, LITERALLY. Every month, unless pregnant, obese, anorexic, or too active, women can anticipate their wonderful PERIOD. Sometimes on schedule, sometimes late, the period -aka:crime scene aka: the rag aka: Aunt Floe- takes it toll on every woman differently. Some women become more emotional, some women become irritable, some women are unchanged and some women just experience discomfort.
ME, on the other hand, I am a chosen one. I experience it all. Mother nature sure is a bitch. She sneaks up on me whenever she wants to. Sometimes shes early and sometimes shes late. I cry, I laugh, I get pissed, I get cramps, I feel fat, I eat, I cry some more, I yell, I eat some more, I get mad...Its all a cycle during a cycle. My hormones are up, they are down, they go left, they go right.
It starts the week before. I start to eat everything in sight. My stomach is a bottomless pit. I feel bloated. Then I eat some more and then I feel fat. Then I cry because I am fat. Then I watch the television and a pet cruelty commercial comes on. The cat has one ear and no hair. I cry. I hate cats, but I still cry. Lifetime movies come on, I cry. The stories are not real. In fact, they are far from realistic. They are corny, I ball. I continue to eat some chips and maybe some ice cream. I feel fat and bloated once again. I complain about being fat. I blame it on my period. I go to work, somebody asks me for a water. Really? WTF-thats annoying, I DONT WANT TO GET YOU A WATER. I forget that its part of my job. Someone makes fun of me, a joke that I can take during any other week, I cry. People stop at stop lights, I get pissed. People drive slow, I curse to myself. Someone accidentally bumps into me, THAT STUPID B****.
PMS gives women an excuse to be bitchy. "Shes not usually a bitch, shes just on her period." Well, some women must be on their period a lot. All I know is that PMS is the devil.
Phuck My Sycle!!
(F*** my Cycle)
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Leggings are not equivalent to Jeans
A trending topic in the world of fashion is, "Can Leggings Take the Place of Jeans?" And with no hesitation, no #pause, no ifs ands or buts about it, NO exceptions...I have to say ABSOLUTELY NOT. Some of you beg to differ, I am sure, because I have seen leggings take the place of jeans on all shapes and sizes. When I say all shapes and sizes I mean ALLLLLLLLL shapes and sizes.
To give you a brief history of leggings, they were originally used for things such as protection and warmth in the Renaissance era by women AND MEN. Cowboys wore leggings. Dancers wore (wear) leggings to keep their ankles warm. Then the 80's came (I thought we should never go back.) Leggings became a fashion statement under SHORT skirts and babydoll DRESSES. Then the 21st century hit and leggings grew out of control.
For most women, leggings feel comfortable. No zippers, no buttons, no constrictions, just good old stretch. However, if you are not careful, as your leggings expand, you may not realize your entire body is expanding. I truly understand the comfort that comes with leggings, but I also realize that leggings just aren't that thick. They're kind of like tights, the further you go up, the bigger things get (butt, thighs)...which means the more your leggings stretch, making them SEE through. You might not realize, but everyone BEHIND you realizes...especially when you bend over.
You may have nice ASSets, but no one wants to see your bright red thong through your leggings. Which brings me to address another point, DO NOT WEAR TANK TOPS THAT DO NOT COVER your butt in leggings. I have never seen so many bare asses in my life until this new legging trend, this really shouldn't be a trend Ladies. LEGGINGS should be a privelage NOT a right. If you got a little muffin top, or a little extra junk in the trunk (like most of us)- Flaunt what you got not what you WANT. Leave leggings as pants to the super models and teenagers.
So to all of you reading this, if you have to question whether or not you do this, then you should probably go buy some longer shirts and some thicker leggings.
Leggings as pants is risky....wear at your own risk!!
To give you a brief history of leggings, they were originally used for things such as protection and warmth in the Renaissance era by women AND MEN. Cowboys wore leggings. Dancers wore (wear) leggings to keep their ankles warm. Then the 80's came (I thought we should never go back.) Leggings became a fashion statement under SHORT skirts and babydoll DRESSES. Then the 21st century hit and leggings grew out of control.
For most women, leggings feel comfortable. No zippers, no buttons, no constrictions, just good old stretch. However, if you are not careful, as your leggings expand, you may not realize your entire body is expanding. I truly understand the comfort that comes with leggings, but I also realize that leggings just aren't that thick. They're kind of like tights, the further you go up, the bigger things get (butt, thighs)...which means the more your leggings stretch, making them SEE through. You might not realize, but everyone BEHIND you realizes...especially when you bend over.
You may have nice ASSets, but no one wants to see your bright red thong through your leggings. Which brings me to address another point, DO NOT WEAR TANK TOPS THAT DO NOT COVER your butt in leggings. I have never seen so many bare asses in my life until this new legging trend, this really shouldn't be a trend Ladies. LEGGINGS should be a privelage NOT a right. If you got a little muffin top, or a little extra junk in the trunk (like most of us)- Flaunt what you got not what you WANT. Leave leggings as pants to the super models and teenagers.
So to all of you reading this, if you have to question whether or not you do this, then you should probably go buy some longer shirts and some thicker leggings.
Leggings as pants is risky....wear at your own risk!!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
There's a reason you're still single...
Every so often McCormick and Shmicks caters to a large group of 100, OVER THE HILL, singles. It just so happens that they like to meet in the bar for happy hour. If you remember the last blog, you remember that happy hour isn't so happy....Add a 100 desperate, old singles and it makes even less happy.
Let me just set the mood....
The night begins, a few older gentlemen start trickling in. They order diet cokes and burgers for $2.95. Then a few general public tables walk in-lucky for them they get some live entertainment for the night. The women start walking in, all a little bit older themselves. The men keep sitting by themselves, some EXTREMELY awkward..maybe on the spectrum awkward. Then, like a diamond in the rough, THERE SHE IS! The men all start to gawk, maybe some even drool a little. She walks in a little further and she says "MOM," yes, MOM..."Where do you want to sit." I wanted to say, look around you fellas, do you really think she is the same age as you and the other women in here? YOU HAVE NO CHANCE. Your teeth are gone, your hair is just about gone, and your money probably goes to hospital bills. Not a chance.
The night goes on. Men start ordering women drinks...and putting them on the women's tabs. REASON 1 why you are still single. I hear a man start telling a woman that he doesn't eat at McCormicks any more because the last time his bill was 83 dollars and he gave the server 100 dollars and he kept the change. Well sir, thats actually an appropriate tip. REASON 2 why you are still single. You might as well start telling everyone you wear depends to bed!
THEN the finale begins. A man orders a glass of wine. Any intelligent person with common sense would look around and say, ok, there are 100 people in this bar, peo
ple in the dining room eating dinner, 2 servers and 2 bar tenders.....I might not get my drink in 1 minute. I walk past him..he grabs my arm. Wheres my wine? It's coming sir. DONT YOU THINK THEY SHOULD HAVE HIRED ANOTHER BAR TENDER TONIGHT KNOWING THERE WOULD BE 100 PEOPLE. Yes, the manager should have hired one more bar tender for the night to cater to the 100 singles that come in EVERY SO OFTEN. Sorry sir, its really busy. He goes on and ON. Finally, in the nicest voice possible I say, Patience is a virtue sir. He gets embarrassed and shuts up. REASON 3 why you are still single. Then, a frustrated man, that apparently didn't get a beer or something to eat the entire night never gets his burger. DUHN DUHN DUHN. He comes up to the computer. Excuse me, where is my burger? My co-worker tells him that she thought he was just kidding because he made a joke about getting a "free burger." HE SNAPS. HE STARTS YELLING. HIS EYES ARE POPPING OUT OF HIS HEAD. (someone needs to get laid) I KNEW YOU WOULD FORGET ABOUT MY BURGER. I KNEW YOU WERENT LISTENING TO ME. YOU ARE NOT GETTING A TIP. HE POINTS AT ME-ONLY SHE WILL!!!! woaaaaaaaaaaaaah-all that for a 2.95 burger. To top it off, he got that burger for free. Happy at happy hour now sir? REASON 4 why you are still single.
To say the least, that singles group is probably one of the most miserable groups on the planet. There's a reason you're all still single.....
Let me just set the mood....
The night begins, a few older gentlemen start trickling in. They order diet cokes and burgers for $2.95. Then a few general public tables walk in-lucky for them they get some live entertainment for the night. The women start walking in, all a little bit older themselves. The men keep sitting by themselves, some EXTREMELY awkward..maybe on the spectrum awkward. Then, like a diamond in the rough, THERE SHE IS! The men all start to gawk, maybe some even drool a little. She walks in a little further and she says "MOM," yes, MOM..."Where do you want to sit." I wanted to say, look around you fellas, do you really think she is the same age as you and the other women in here? YOU HAVE NO CHANCE. Your teeth are gone, your hair is just about gone, and your money probably goes to hospital bills. Not a chance.
The night goes on. Men start ordering women drinks...and putting them on the women's tabs. REASON 1 why you are still single. I hear a man start telling a woman that he doesn't eat at McCormicks any more because the last time his bill was 83 dollars and he gave the server 100 dollars and he kept the change. Well sir, thats actually an appropriate tip. REASON 2 why you are still single. You might as well start telling everyone you wear depends to bed!
THEN the finale begins. A man orders a glass of wine. Any intelligent person with common sense would look around and say, ok, there are 100 people in this bar, peo
ple in the dining room eating dinner, 2 servers and 2 bar tenders.....I might not get my drink in 1 minute. I walk past him..he grabs my arm. Wheres my wine? It's coming sir. DONT YOU THINK THEY SHOULD HAVE HIRED ANOTHER BAR TENDER TONIGHT KNOWING THERE WOULD BE 100 PEOPLE. Yes, the manager should have hired one more bar tender for the night to cater to the 100 singles that come in EVERY SO OFTEN. Sorry sir, its really busy. He goes on and ON. Finally, in the nicest voice possible I say, Patience is a virtue sir. He gets embarrassed and shuts up. REASON 3 why you are still single. Then, a frustrated man, that apparently didn't get a beer or something to eat the entire night never gets his burger. DUHN DUHN DUHN. He comes up to the computer. Excuse me, where is my burger? My co-worker tells him that she thought he was just kidding because he made a joke about getting a "free burger." HE SNAPS. HE STARTS YELLING. HIS EYES ARE POPPING OUT OF HIS HEAD. (someone needs to get laid) I KNEW YOU WOULD FORGET ABOUT MY BURGER. I KNEW YOU WERENT LISTENING TO ME. YOU ARE NOT GETTING A TIP. HE POINTS AT ME-ONLY SHE WILL!!!! woaaaaaaaaaaaaah-all that for a 2.95 burger. To top it off, he got that burger for free. Happy at happy hour now sir? REASON 4 why you are still single.
To say the least, that singles group is probably one of the most miserable groups on the planet. There's a reason you're all still single.....
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
The Trials and Tribulations of a Day in the Life of a Server
I could write a book on the bull shit that a server has to go through on a daily basis. Six years (almost 7) in the restaurant industry has made me realize a few things about the world:
1. people are assholes
2. being a servant sucks
As a tribute to almost 7 years of being in the service industry, I have decided that my next few blogs will be dedicated to describing some pretty hilarious/awful experiences that I have dealt with in the past years as a server.
"Happy Hour"
Whoever invented happy hour must have been on drugs! Happy hour makes me anything but happy. I spend 3.5 hours busting my ass for cheap ass people who give lousy effin tips. 3:30 arrives and the vultures start piling in. It usually starts off slow and steady- A few tables here and there. Then 6:15 hits and everyone comes at once. Now, when you think of happy hour, you think of business men and women coming in after a long day of work to unwind, relax and enjoy a beverage or two. ERRRRRRR wrong. When I think of happy hour I think of a bunch of broke ass people trying to get themselves a few cheap drinks and a bite to eat for cheaper than a meal at McDonalds or Wendys.
Once the rush hits, people start snapping there fingers at you and waving there hands. Sometimes I swear people think we have 8 hands. People start asking how many tacos come with the $1.95 fish taco. "One." "WOW, only ONE." How many tacos do you think you get for $1.95. My favorite is when people come to happy hour for a full course meal. "We will have the spinach dip for an appetizer and the hamburgers for a meal...MAKE SURE THEY DONT COME OUT ALL AT ONCE." At this point we usually have about 15 tables that sat all at once-you'll be lucky to get ANY of the food that you ordered.
Today we had a table with a bill of a little less than $30 at happy hour. Big Spendas, Big Spendas! They gave us $30, so we gave them back .77 hoping that they would give us more money as a tip. I walk by and hear the lady say "Well, I don't have any more cash, but at least she will get something." I see her put $2 in the book. She took the .77. REALLY? I wanted to run back and say, KEEP THE CHANGE YOU FILTHY ANIMAL, YOU NEED THIS MORE THAN ME (obviously.)
Disclaimer---If you go out to dinner REMEMBER that your servers make $2.75 an HOUR. We RELY on your tips for our INCOME. If you can't afford to tip AT LEAST 15%-Dont even bother going out. Your cheap ass will be talked about FOREVER.
1. people are assholes
2. being a servant sucks
As a tribute to almost 7 years of being in the service industry, I have decided that my next few blogs will be dedicated to describing some pretty hilarious/awful experiences that I have dealt with in the past years as a server.
"Happy Hour"
Whoever invented happy hour must have been on drugs! Happy hour makes me anything but happy. I spend 3.5 hours busting my ass for cheap ass people who give lousy effin tips. 3:30 arrives and the vultures start piling in. It usually starts off slow and steady- A few tables here and there. Then 6:15 hits and everyone comes at once. Now, when you think of happy hour, you think of business men and women coming in after a long day of work to unwind, relax and enjoy a beverage or two. ERRRRRRR wrong. When I think of happy hour I think of a bunch of broke ass people trying to get themselves a few cheap drinks and a bite to eat for cheaper than a meal at McDonalds or Wendys.
Once the rush hits, people start snapping there fingers at you and waving there hands. Sometimes I swear people think we have 8 hands. People start asking how many tacos come with the $1.95 fish taco. "One." "WOW, only ONE." How many tacos do you think you get for $1.95. My favorite is when people come to happy hour for a full course meal. "We will have the spinach dip for an appetizer and the hamburgers for a meal...MAKE SURE THEY DONT COME OUT ALL AT ONCE." At this point we usually have about 15 tables that sat all at once-you'll be lucky to get ANY of the food that you ordered.
Today we had a table with a bill of a little less than $30 at happy hour. Big Spendas, Big Spendas! They gave us $30, so we gave them back .77 hoping that they would give us more money as a tip. I walk by and hear the lady say "Well, I don't have any more cash, but at least she will get something." I see her put $2 in the book. She took the .77. REALLY? I wanted to run back and say, KEEP THE CHANGE YOU FILTHY ANIMAL, YOU NEED THIS MORE THAN ME (obviously.)
Disclaimer---If you go out to dinner REMEMBER that your servers make $2.75 an HOUR. We RELY on your tips for our INCOME. If you can't afford to tip AT LEAST 15%-Dont even bother going out. Your cheap ass will be talked about FOREVER.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Im SO New Hampshire
So, I'm in the land of hip-hop. I'm definitely not "So Hood," But, I might just be "So New Hampshire......."
[Chorus:]
I'm So New Hampshire (Listen)
I Wear My Pants Above My Waist
And I never dance because I feel out of place
'Cause You And The other States Plan To Hate (I'm So New Hampshire)
And I Got These Toothpicks Up In My Mouth If You Get Closer To My Lake House Then You Know What I'm Talking about I'm Out New Hampshire
And If You Feel Me Put Your hunting guns up (New Hampshire) My City of Crackas Can You Stand Up (I'm So New Hampshire)
If You're Not From Here You’ll Get Bored And Walk It Out And You Not New Hampshire Then You Don't Know What I'm Talking about
Everybody Wanna Motherfucking Know Why Its Live Free or Die What the fuck is Rye (Beach)
I Do It For The Granite State
Bitch Ass Crackas I Do It 'Cause I seat belt hate
Heavy winter clothing in the mountains, doing mad skiing tricks
Living Life Like A hick with these Bitch Ass Crackas in the Sticks
But I ain't Going Boat With 'Em
Camping and hunting with 'Em
Tough young Crackas get boozed Up
good ol’ country Life, nothing but Beirut and flip cup
I'm Straight Out New Hampshire
See That's What I Do It For
My High Class NH Ass
Just Renewed my Fishing Pass
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