Even Burglars can Find GOD!
Please watch the video above before reading this blog.
I guess this thief got a lesson from GOD as his Christmas present. Who takes the time to break into a car by smashing the window open only to steal a Bible? Do not get me wrong, I know how sacred this book is to many people. However, a robbery such as this is equivalent to going to a bank only to steal deposit slips and lolly pops. It may be a "miracle" or a sign from the heavens above that this woman's purse and GPS were not stolen. Although, if this person really wanted to find God, you would think he/she would have stolen the GPS-Location: stairway to heaven. Good Luck trying to buy a handle of vodka and a cheeseburger with that Bible.
What do we get from this story people?
Always have a bible in your car, it will stop a thief from stealing important things-like your identity. If this was not a holy lesson, then I don't know what is! Thank you Jesus for always having our backs!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
When is it ok to fart?
Fart. Let one rip. Cut the cheese. Poot. Toot....whatever you want to call it-When is it okay to do it?
Farting-such an interesting, stinky, funny, disgusting bodily function. We can all act like we have never farted before, but did you know that the average person farts almost 14 times a day? So, you can deny that you don't fart all you want, but, you're probably letting them rip in your sleep.
Now, if you're my dad, you will probably do the toot and scoot, lift the leg in public and fart in front of any human being in any public place. On the typical shopping day, my dad farts on average 5 or 6 times. Sometimes we will be walking away from the car and hear what we think is a fog horn, turn around, and see my dad lifting his leg. Naturally, I laugh and my mother scolds him. How embarrassing! Sometimes he lets out the SBDs (silent but deadlies). We'll be browsing in the store and he will miraculously disappear (toot and scoot). Our noses will start to curl, we'll start looking around like what is that smell?! Until it hits us-YUP, that's his brand. Now, instead of acting like we have no idea what's going on, we run away causing a STINK (no pun intended), making it look like we are the culprits.
But, if you are anyone else, when is it OKAY to fart?
I've never experienced this, but I heard you should always use the restroom before laughing too hard....wouldn't want to let one slip. Also, IF you have to push it out, it's probably not a fart. Do not risk it, SHARTING is not fun..for anyone! Also, even if you think its going to be silent, do NOT let it rip. There is nothing worse than vibrations coming from your chair during an in-depth conversation.
Apparently if you are a senior citizen, farting is acceptable in any situation. Have you ever been with your grandparents or great aunts/uncles and hear a mysterious "plthhhh?" You look around and wait for acknowledgement, but the conversation keeps a flowing. All you want to do is laugh, so you do. Then you have to make up a story as to why you are laughing. OH, stop that so and so, those faces you are making are making me laugh! You can't acknowledge the farts because in the Renaissance age, farting was rude, un-lady like, private (like sex), and completely outrageous.
What about when you're with your significant other, when is it okay?
Say you just went out for Tacos, bad idea, your stomach starts a bubbling. You know the feeling, when you're stomach hurts so bad it travels into your back. Oh boy, if you let one rip, it will be one of two things--smelly or loud. Both extremely unappealing. So what do you do? Walk a little bit behind your significant other and let the wind travel with the breeze? Excuse yourself to the bathroom? Woo you must have drank 3 gallons of diet coke, you have to pee like a water hose tonight (this gas will never end). Or you can hold them in ALL night. However, when you wake up in the morning you have to be prepared for your significant other to comment on all the flatulence you were letting loose in your sleep last night. I mean, at least you were unconscious when they were evacuating your body-more acceptable? YES!
So, when is it okay to fart?
I say, if you are going to fart-play the part. Because we all know, whoever smelled it, dealt it!
Farting-such an interesting, stinky, funny, disgusting bodily function. We can all act like we have never farted before, but did you know that the average person farts almost 14 times a day? So, you can deny that you don't fart all you want, but, you're probably letting them rip in your sleep.
Now, if you're my dad, you will probably do the toot and scoot, lift the leg in public and fart in front of any human being in any public place. On the typical shopping day, my dad farts on average 5 or 6 times. Sometimes we will be walking away from the car and hear what we think is a fog horn, turn around, and see my dad lifting his leg. Naturally, I laugh and my mother scolds him. How embarrassing! Sometimes he lets out the SBDs (silent but deadlies). We'll be browsing in the store and he will miraculously disappear (toot and scoot). Our noses will start to curl, we'll start looking around like what is that smell?! Until it hits us-YUP, that's his brand. Now, instead of acting like we have no idea what's going on, we run away causing a STINK (no pun intended), making it look like we are the culprits.
But, if you are anyone else, when is it OKAY to fart?
I've never experienced this, but I heard you should always use the restroom before laughing too hard....wouldn't want to let one slip. Also, IF you have to push it out, it's probably not a fart. Do not risk it, SHARTING is not fun..for anyone! Also, even if you think its going to be silent, do NOT let it rip. There is nothing worse than vibrations coming from your chair during an in-depth conversation.
Apparently if you are a senior citizen, farting is acceptable in any situation. Have you ever been with your grandparents or great aunts/uncles and hear a mysterious "plthhhh?" You look around and wait for acknowledgement, but the conversation keeps a flowing. All you want to do is laugh, so you do. Then you have to make up a story as to why you are laughing. OH, stop that so and so, those faces you are making are making me laugh! You can't acknowledge the farts because in the Renaissance age, farting was rude, un-lady like, private (like sex), and completely outrageous.
What about when you're with your significant other, when is it okay?
Say you just went out for Tacos, bad idea, your stomach starts a bubbling. You know the feeling, when you're stomach hurts so bad it travels into your back. Oh boy, if you let one rip, it will be one of two things--smelly or loud. Both extremely unappealing. So what do you do? Walk a little bit behind your significant other and let the wind travel with the breeze? Excuse yourself to the bathroom? Woo you must have drank 3 gallons of diet coke, you have to pee like a water hose tonight (this gas will never end). Or you can hold them in ALL night. However, when you wake up in the morning you have to be prepared for your significant other to comment on all the flatulence you were letting loose in your sleep last night. I mean, at least you were unconscious when they were evacuating your body-more acceptable? YES!
So, when is it okay to fart?
I say, if you are going to fart-play the part. Because we all know, whoever smelled it, dealt it!
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