I know what is going through your head right now. What man could be ALWAYS adored? Nearly impossible, right? However, I assure you, that after I speak so highly of these men or perhaps just mention their names, you will agree.
Top 6 most adored men (by me):
1.Benjamin (money)- Its all about the benjamins baby. If you dont have benjamin, then you dont have a lot of things. Benjamin buys you nice things and keeps you looking good. He is your sugar daddy. He is the root to all evil!
2. Andre (Champagne)- He is very bubbly and refreshing. Can be enjoyed in the morning, afternoon, or evening. He is very cheap, but sophisticated. Caution: May cause dizziness, impair judgment and/or increase your chances of dropping it like its hot.
3. Ben&Jerry (ice cream)- These 2 men are a package deal. If you get one, you must have the other. These two are always delicious, but too much of them can be unhealthy. They are caring and sweet. When you are sad, lonely or bored they will be there for you.
4. Joe(jeans)- Comfortable. Loves to hug in all the right places. Expensive and fashionable. Sometimes makes you feel bad about yourself when you feel a little fatter, but overall a good fit.
5. Frank ( Hot sauce)- Makes anything good. Always keeps things hot and spicy.
6. Jose (Cuervo)- Loves mexican food and to salsa. Often makes my clothes fall off.
As long as Ben and Jerry don't interfere with your life too much, Joe will always make you happy. Andre will always make you silly and Frank will always keep things spicy.
Shout out to Katelyn Pike for helping make this list possible.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
V.A.G
Every parent should have to take a course called how to appropriately name your child 101. What is it with people these days? As if children don't have enough problems to deal with in this world-bullying, teen pregnancy, Twitter, texting, texting while driving-BUT, to top it off, names like Cookie(you won't be happy when your little girl grows up looking like the only thing she eats is cookies), Summer (no one cares about the season you were conceived- gross), Serenity(because mommy is a mary-jane smoking, tree hugging hippie) Who are these people? My theory is that you should never name your child something strange because if he/she is ugly, bullying and teasing will be inevitable.
My mom obviously did not take the course because I, for one, am the perfect example.
My mom named me Victoria Ann Gellatly. Pretty name, right? That's what you think...until you start playing with my initials. It wasn't until I was in highschool until I realized what my initials spelled out. All the young, horny pre-prubecent boys figured it out for me. From that day forward, it was history, I would be VAG for life. No wonder my mom never let me get one of those cool LL bean back packs that had your initials stitched on the front...She didnt want me running around with a VAG on my back.
If that isn't bad enough, my college roommates made signs that said WE LOVE VAG and posted them all over our suite. At least I was loved.
Thanks mom, I will never ever forget I am female. My initials tell it all-I will be a VAG for life.
My mom obviously did not take the course because I, for one, am the perfect example.
My mom named me Victoria Ann Gellatly. Pretty name, right? That's what you think...until you start playing with my initials. It wasn't until I was in highschool until I realized what my initials spelled out. All the young, horny pre-prubecent boys figured it out for me. From that day forward, it was history, I would be VAG for life. No wonder my mom never let me get one of those cool LL bean back packs that had your initials stitched on the front...She didnt want me running around with a VAG on my back.
If that isn't bad enough, my college roommates made signs that said WE LOVE VAG and posted them all over our suite. At least I was loved.
Thanks mom, I will never ever forget I am female. My initials tell it all-I will be a VAG for life.
Friday, November 5, 2010
I like big BUCKS and I cannot lie
Me and Sir Mix A lot have something in common, we both like big things, except he likes big BUTTS and I like big BUCKS.
I hate not having a job. For all those who complain about having to wake up and go to work every morning, I envy you. I am sure you envy the fact that I can get up whenever I want to and sit on my ass whenever I want to. However, I assure you, that 4 months of having no money is the PITS, smelly pits at that!
Whenever I smell the crisp, new scent of leather, I think of NEW boots. Whenever I see a clothing magazine, I salivate. Its rough not being able to buy what I want, not that I ever could, but at least when I had some money I could pretend. I miss the smell of pennies and quarters and the dingy feeling that money leaves on your hands.
Some may say I'm a shop-a-holic, but I prefer to call it a hobby. I'm a pro at finding the most expensive item at discount stores like TJ MAxx. When I was little, I could find at least one thing I wanted in every store, even the gas station. It feels wrong to wear an outfit more than once. The smell of the mall brings me instant happiness. Nothing pisses me off more than finding the cutest pair of jeans that don't come in my size. The managers at some of my favorite stores know me by first name. When it comes to importance, food and water come after clothes and shoes.
Needless to say, I am having withdrawls. Nothing in my closet is appealing. They say money (the big bucks) is the root of all evil-but, I would say its the root to all things fashionable. SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!
I hate not having a job. For all those who complain about having to wake up and go to work every morning, I envy you. I am sure you envy the fact that I can get up whenever I want to and sit on my ass whenever I want to. However, I assure you, that 4 months of having no money is the PITS, smelly pits at that!
Whenever I smell the crisp, new scent of leather, I think of NEW boots. Whenever I see a clothing magazine, I salivate. Its rough not being able to buy what I want, not that I ever could, but at least when I had some money I could pretend. I miss the smell of pennies and quarters and the dingy feeling that money leaves on your hands.
Some may say I'm a shop-a-holic, but I prefer to call it a hobby. I'm a pro at finding the most expensive item at discount stores like TJ MAxx. When I was little, I could find at least one thing I wanted in every store, even the gas station. It feels wrong to wear an outfit more than once. The smell of the mall brings me instant happiness. Nothing pisses me off more than finding the cutest pair of jeans that don't come in my size. The managers at some of my favorite stores know me by first name. When it comes to importance, food and water come after clothes and shoes.
Needless to say, I am having withdrawls. Nothing in my closet is appealing. They say money (the big bucks) is the root of all evil-but, I would say its the root to all things fashionable. SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
True or Republican?
There's the right way and there's the Republican Way. Now, I am not saying I dislike Republicans, I mean, basically my entire family is republican. I sure as hell am not saying I am a Democrat either. To be honest, it is all donkey and elephant shit to me.
If I had a few million, I would run for government too. I would hire a really smart person to write up some policies that I don't even know anything about myself and tell the country what they want to hear. When someone asks me a question about foreign policy, I will just change the subject with something like-good question, but, abortion should be legal! How hard is that? For all you tree loving hippies, I will LEGALIZE IT! For all you feminine men that like wearing pink and rainbows, I will allow you to get married! For all you old bastards with lots of money, I will continue taking money from the poor! For all you poor people, I will steal money from the rich so you can continue to be on welfare and NOT have or even look for a job! Sounds about right, right? I would end my speech a little bit like this....AND FOR ONCE, I will be honest. I am not 100 percent sure that any of these bills will pass and they probably won't. However, I have NEVER been a witch, I will NEVER sleep with my assistant unless he is drop dead gorgeous AND I vow to never allow my teenagers to act like teenagers! If you vote for me, there will be change!!
One last thought... There are a few ways we should change the word "POLITICS"
PoliTRICKS- because there's always an alterior motive
PoliDICKS- because if you are a woman in politics you must be a bitch or a genius because women do not have the mental capacity of men ( sense my sarcasm)
If I had a few million, I would run for government too. I would hire a really smart person to write up some policies that I don't even know anything about myself and tell the country what they want to hear. When someone asks me a question about foreign policy, I will just change the subject with something like-good question, but, abortion should be legal! How hard is that? For all you tree loving hippies, I will LEGALIZE IT! For all you feminine men that like wearing pink and rainbows, I will allow you to get married! For all you old bastards with lots of money, I will continue taking money from the poor! For all you poor people, I will steal money from the rich so you can continue to be on welfare and NOT have or even look for a job! Sounds about right, right? I would end my speech a little bit like this....AND FOR ONCE, I will be honest. I am not 100 percent sure that any of these bills will pass and they probably won't. However, I have NEVER been a witch, I will NEVER sleep with my assistant unless he is drop dead gorgeous AND I vow to never allow my teenagers to act like teenagers! If you vote for me, there will be change!!
One last thought... There are a few ways we should change the word "POLITICS"
PoliTRICKS- because there's always an alterior motive
PoliDICKS- because if you are a woman in politics you must be a bitch or a genius because women do not have the mental capacity of men ( sense my sarcasm)
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