There's a reason you're still single...

Every so often McCormick and Shmicks caters to a large group of 100, OVER THE HILL, singles. It just so happens that they like to meet in the bar for happy hour. If you remember the last blog, you remember that happy hour isn't so happy....Add a 100 desperate, old singles and it makes even less happy.

Let me just set the mood....
The night begins, a few older gentlemen start trickling in. They order diet cokes and burgers for $2.95. Then a few general public tables walk in-lucky for them they get some live entertainment for the night. The women start walking in, all a little bit older themselves. The men keep sitting by themselves, some EXTREMELY awkward..maybe on the spectrum awkward. Then, like a diamond in the rough, THERE SHE IS! The men all start to gawk, maybe some even drool a little. She walks in a little further and she says "MOM," yes, MOM..."Where do you want to sit." I wanted to say, look around you fellas, do you really think she is the same age as you and the other women in here? YOU HAVE NO CHANCE. Your teeth are gone, your hair is just about gone, and your money probably goes to hospital bills. Not a chance.

The night goes on. Men start ordering women drinks...and putting them on the women's tabs. REASON 1 why you are still single. I hear a man start telling a woman that he doesn't eat at McCormicks any more because the last time his bill was 83 dollars and he gave the server 100 dollars and he kept the change. Well sir, thats actually an appropriate tip. REASON 2 why you are still single. You might as well start telling everyone you wear depends to bed!

THEN the finale begins. A man orders a glass of wine. Any intelligent person with common sense would look around and say, ok, there are 100 people in this bar, people in the dining room eating dinner, 2 servers and 2 bar tenders.....I might not get my drink in 1 minute. I walk past him..he grabs my arm. Wheres my wine? It's coming sir. DONT YOU THINK THEY SHOULD HAVE HIRED ANOTHER BAR TENDER TONIGHT KNOWING THERE WOULD BE 100 PEOPLE. Yes, the manager should have hired one more bar tender for the night to cater to the 100 singles that come in EVERY SO OFTEN. Sorry sir, its really busy. He goes on and ON. Finally, in the nicest voice possible I say, Patience is a virtue sir. He gets embarrassed and shuts up. REASON 3 why you are still single. Then, a frustrated man, that apparently didn't get a beer or something to eat the entire night never gets his burger. DUHN DUHN DUHN. He comes up to the computer. Excuse me, where is my burger? My co-worker tells him that she thought he was just kidding because he made a joke about getting a "free burger." HE SNAPS. HE STARTS YELLING. HIS EYES ARE POPPING OUT OF HIS HEAD. (someone needs to get laid) I KNEW YOU WOULD FORGET ABOUT MY BURGER. I KNEW YOU WERENT LISTENING TO ME. YOU ARE NOT GETTING A TIP. HE POINTS AT ME-ONLY SHE WILL!!!! woaaaaaaaaaaaaah-all that for a 2.95 burger. To top it off, he got that burger for free. Happy at happy hour now sir? REASON 4 why you are still single.

To say the least, that singles group is probably one of the most miserable groups on the planet. There's a reason you're all still single.....